My New Future Career

My New Future Career

from MenScience

One of the reasons my blog has been rather slow lately is that I started studying for the ACE certification exam to become a personal trainer. This actually became a recent dream of mine, one I thought about for a month before deciding to go with ACE. I didn’t want to immediately start studying for it as soon as the thought entered my head, simply because I wanted to know whether or not it was just a passing whimsy. So I spent an entire month doing research on it to ensure it was something I wanted to do before forking over the cash to start my studies.

At first I was a little discouraged due to the fact that some gyms only pay you on commission and you’re forced to “work the floor” to find your own clients. Yet, others pay an hourly wage, handing you your clients instead, though you are paid considerably less. I was also a little discouraged because of the idea that you are forever having to earn continuing education credits in order to stay certified, which means you’re forever forking over cash. But the more I thought about these cons, the more pros began to enter my mind, and the more those cons actually aren’t a big deal. I have a background in sales and marketing. There are tons and tons of fitness centers in my area, so I’m sure I can find one that pays hourly. Even if it doesn’t, well, I don’t mind a little challenge–not to mention I’m super passionate about health, so I think I’ll be able to convince someone of the importance of being fit and going with a trainer to help you achieve that goal. I also actually love the idea of having to receive continuing education credits, as the research for exercise science and nutrition is always changing; thus, it is important as a trainer to stay on top of this information and prove you’re continuously honing your knowledge.

Now that I’m actually studying for it, I’m even more excited about being certified.

Now what on Earth inspired me to suddenly take this route, especially since I’m so close to graduating with a degree in English? Well, I started following some lifestyle blogs, and I came across Lauryn Evart’s The Skinny Confidential. I started searching for lifestyle blogs to help me change my diet, to help me eat clean. In her bio, I read that she is currently studying for a certificate in nutrition, and she’s going through ISSA to do so. I thought this was interesting, so I decided to look it up.

There is no unified body that aspiring personal trainers must study in order to be certified. ACE and ISSA are just two of many schools of thought you can use to become certified. After looking through ISSA, I remembered when I was working an event at a fitness center. I saw a personal trainer in action, and I thought his job was pretty cool. At the time I thought you had to have some sort of degree in wellness, but luckily for Lauryn’s blog, I discovered you don’t need one, though it can better your chances of finding a job. I was already passionate about being fit and healthy. I want to share that passion.

Now what prompted me to want to start eating clean and exercising more?  I suffered with an eating disorder for four months, which is another reason my blog has been a little empty. That is another story in itself, but I was spending two months trying to recover from it. Yet, during my eating disorder, I did tons of research on nutrition and fitness and found all of it interesting. Unfortunately, I used the advice to fuel some bad habits, but even after recovering, I didn’t lose my desire to research nutrition and fitness. This time, however, I want to use nutrition and fitness to remain healthy, to be the best me that I can be. During my time in inpatient, I remember seeing a few diet commercials. They made me so livid. They fuel people’s insecurities and are ultimately unhealthy.

I want to be part of a future that emphasizes good nutrition without resorting to fad diets, along with exercise to help others live a long, fulfilling life. I don’t want people to have to resort to dangerous fad diets or extreme exercise programs you can find online from people who aren’t experts in order to achieve their ideal images. I want to be part of a growing movement that puts importance on health at every size, which has been proven to help fight obesity without fat shaming. I received this tidbit of wisdom about HAES from my ACE personal trainer manual.

from My Gut Tells Me

I want to show people that exercise doesn’t have to be stressful or time consuming, but fun and fulfilling. Since I started eating healthier and doing more exercise than just ballet, I have so much more energy, I’m handling my anxiety much better, my mood is steadier, my stress levels are in check, and I just feel overall great. I want to help people feel all these wonderful things. I’m also not about helping people achieve their dream bodies. Sure I’ll help with that if they want it, but I also want people to know their health is more important than a chiseled body. I also want to help prevent eating disorders, which are the deadliest mental illnesses out there. It horrifies me that I was diagnosed with such a deadly illness and absolutely would have died if it weren’t for two amazing friends of mine. Educating the public about health and nutrition, working closely with people who want this for themselves, I think can help combat body image issues and hopefully help those using eating disorders as a coping mechanism to find a much better way of handling stress.

Wanting to become a personal trainer was actually inspired by my disease, which is Anorexia Nervosa. I was able to make something good come out of this horrible illness.

Overall, I’m super excited to see where this career takes me. I hope to take the exam this December, around the time I should be graduating.

Now that you know this, you can check out my other blog that I stared a few months ago.

Anemia and Depression

Anemia and Depression

2376752060_e7107f368b_mMy lower eyelids are white. Beneath my tongue is white. Sometimes my nail beds turn blue. I become unnecessarily cold at strange moments. Fatigue is my constant friend. Two hours of napping each day is a requirement. Taking supplements is necessary, though they seem to do nothing. Concentration is at 50%. Weight decreasing into a thinness I frankly like. Hemoglobin levels not good. Vitamin D and B12 not good. Appetite decreasing. Desire to truly live my life, diminishing. Situational irritability rising. Sadness overwhelming me in tarry quicksand. Depression being leaked into me through IV lines.

At least I’m still exercising. At least my muscles are still there. At least I’m still here.

Stars, I’ve been struggling for about a month with a bout of anemia brought on by strange vitamin deficiencies that frankly make no sense to me. I’m becoming apathetic to anything good that can possibly happen, including receiving a contract for When Stars Die. Becoming team leader at work is an already small thread being stripped, piece-by-piece.

I’ve had to take an indefinite leave from work because it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to work at peak performance and make leads and sales that give me decent money. My job is a high-energy one. When I had to leave early, I was exhausted, lightheaded, and I felt like I was going to pass out. I had to have my mom drive me home from work in my car while Dad followed in his truck since Mom was driving me to my fiance’s house. I crashed there for a 2-3 hour nap.

I’m still trying to live. I truly am. Yet, exercise is that only thing that makes me feel alive. My heart pounds, my body loves the balance jogging gives me for ballet, as I’m no longer sore after dance classes due to jogging. I just want to keep running and running and running on the treadmill, but I know I’m going to need a nap later. I need one now, but I’m waiting for my phone to charge so I can listen to my Youtube playlist while jogging.

This is no fun. This is miserable. The snowball effect is still continuing for me. Mixed manic episodes, sexual assault, victim blaming, suicide watch, car wrecks, fractured toe that won’t fully heal, a horrendous fight that left me screaming to die and cursing my assailant, heartbreak over my former boss, like a mother to me; hypomanic episode; cutting; and anemia–sometimes wishing for death.

People talk about how life always throws something crappy at you. I wonder if they know what they’re talking about. If that’s true, what’s the purpose of living if you’re always fighting, claiming all this crap makes you stronger? Is that all living is, enduring pain while knowing it’ll make you stronger? What kind of life is this? If that’s all life is, I do not want it. I don’t expect life to be a Sun that never dies, but I expect life to treat me kindly more often than not.

That’s all I ask. That’s not what I’m being given.

What’s next? I was hoping 2015 would bring me something promising, but it’s looking as bad as 2013.

I wish I could say something positive. I truly do. However, I can at least say I KNOW I am loved.