Where I’m At With My Writing

Five years ago I finished a novel currently titled The Glorious In-Between, which originally concentrated on what it meant to be asexual as a teen. Then it evolved from there because you can’t have only that defining a book. Sexuality itself isn’t a story. It’s a defining characteristic that can complicate a story, so I’ve built it in layers over the years. 2018 was the last time I touched the book, and then this pandemic hit, I got furloughed from work, and I found myself with plenty of time to sit down and get back to it. I said I was going to prioritize the third book in The Stars Trilogy, but the future of my current publisher is unknown thanks to COVID, so my books can only be purchased through Lulu or in print on Amazon.

Well, now I’m going to have plenty of time for the foreseeable future since my position as a personal trainer was eliminated entirely; I am without work. It’s honestly been gutting because I loved that job. It also doesn’t help to see “essentials” teasing “non-essentials” when, in reality, essentials aren’t any safer. After all, people in my husband’s industry (trucking) have been losing their jobs and having pay cuts. Physical therapists are also essential, but many have been furloughed, depending on where they work.

Since receiving that news, it’s been hard keeping a regular writing schedule. I am at a chicken-or-the-egg scenario right now. It’s hard to know if depression is stemming entirely from the loss of a job I was passionate about, or if my bipolar disorder is tipping downward (again), or if it’s a mixture of both and the job loss sped up the process. I’m also undergoing a dosage change with my Depakote and am currently waiting on confirmation about whether or not I have hypothyroidism, most likely caused by my Lithium.

There’s really no point in guessing. All I can do is accept that this is how I feel.

I am the type of person who experiences her emotions all at once when disappointment strikes, and so my heartbreak doesn’t last long because I’m not trying to push away the pain. Yet, anyone else would look in on and me and be convinced I’m taking the loss of my job extra hard. After all, I am in a much better place than others who have lost a job since I live at home with my parents. They’re not putting any pressure on me. All of my debt has also been paid off, so I owe nothing for the foreseeable future. I have PT school to look forward to, which could, for all I know, make holding any job impossible anyway, even though it is a flex program.

I was born anxious. It doesn’t take much to flare it, and it’s been my fuel lately.

While I am done with the first round of revisions of TGIB, I have been struggling with that hollowness common with depression, which has made doing further work on it difficult. But I added a new plot thread to up the stakes for my MC since my query letter on AbsoluteWrite was torn to shreds and revealed a rather glaring flaw in the storyline itself–at least in my opinion. Now my second pass will be checking to make sure the plot thread has been developed appropriately, along with adding a few other things to add some color to the story (McMansions, anyone?). Then another pass through to cut down on words and probably, hopefully, one more for proofreading. It has been beta read in the past, so I might seek out one more, unless having the synopsis looked over is a sufficient enough guide for any further edits the book itself might need.

A secret I don’t think I ever told anyone is When Stars Die only ever had one beta reader.

Hopefully all of that will take about a month or less.

Right now I am gaining distance from TGIB, but it’s been hard to do anything at all productive otherwise. I should be making notes of things to keep an eye out for in TGIB. I should also be coming up with another title because TGIB no longer accurately describes the book. I should also be preparing my query letter and synopsis for When Stars Die, just in case things do fall through with my current publisher. I’ll see what small presses are out there. Otherwise, self-publishing it is.

I also finished outlining a brand new novel, although now I’m going to have to edit the outline itself because I decided to change who my protagonist is going to be. So that’s another thing I should be working on but is hard to do.

I get it. It’s an uncertain time for everyone and rough for some. I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. It’s just maddening, as usual, that you have things that can keep you productive, but you’re being held back by the voice of mental illness living in your mind.

At least I have made progress since this all started.

 

Fashion Friday: Thoughts on Beauty, Self-Love, and My Go-To Skin Care Products

First, I’m going to start this post by talking about something I’ve been mulling lately, something I am writing down as a possibility to keep rooted in my mind, for it is something I am very interested in pursuing in my own time. I go to Columbia College of Missouri and take their online courses. I’m majoring in English Literature, and though I feel this degree will ultimately lead me nowhere except to feed the burgeoning intelligence of my mind, I will still pursue it and finish it regardless. Some say you are obligated to have a higher pay, even at a minimum wage job, for having the perseverance to tackle as something as difficult as a college degree. It has especially been incredibly difficult for me, for my mental health forced me to take an entire year off at one point, and I was only able to take one class for a quarter after a severe mental breakdown. I could rail at the unfairness of this, because everything doesn’t happen for a reason. Yes, I am a Deist and believe in a natural god, but this Creator is apathetic and should remain so. I have a precious friend who once posted a status thanking her Christian God for all of the horrible things that have happened to her. She said it wasn’t a blame to God. It’s just her reality in conjunction with her religion. Though we have vastly different beliefs, it would break my heart if she stopped believing in God, because her belief in God is what keeps her going.

In any case, my current job is a marketer for Southern Siding. It sounds like a fancy title for someone receiving a quarter above minimum wage, but it really isn’t–because that is exactly what I am doing is marketing. I am marketing myself and the products in which potential customers are interested in in order to create a lead that will hopefully at least demo, but at the most sell so I can receive a 1.5% commission that can actually give me a full-time “career” check on part-time hours. This job is unlike working at McDonald’s, where the labor of the station you’re at likely becomes monotonous and second nature. This job rarely becomes second nature, because every time we have a weekly meeting, often two hours, we are always learning something new that increases our chances at making sales. In fact, last month, our department contributed to the one million dollars in better business the company overall made. They celebrated.

It wasn’t until this year, truly, that I began making some sort of sale every month. I have had to develop these marketing skills over the course of two years. Plus, I work for a corporation in a department, and I can switch departments if I so choose. Also, believe it or not, the skills I’ve earned with my English degree have been helpful with this job. I am ambitious. I don’t need to be told what to do. If I have an idea to better the department, I put it forth. I read the books my boss gives to me and create summaries for my co-workers to read over. I created an entire booklet over important products that, unfortunately, could not go through because we don’t have the necessary instruments and time at our hands to do so. Yet, it still counts on my resume as an ambitious project I undertook, one that took about 15 hours to do.

I haven’t created anything as of late. My mind is trapped in places no one will understand. It’s not bipolar’s doing. It’s the cause of repeated mental trauma to my brain that has drained me of the zest for life I am doing my best to grab on to when I can. It’s not all gloom with me. The gloom is within my mind. My exterior self exists for others through my smiles to strangers, hellos, nods, anything that acknowledges that they exist. More than ever I strive to make my fiance happy by wanting to do things for him with no desire to have him return anything for me.

This is neither here nor there. Just some philosophical ramblings from a too-trapped mind.

In any case, what I want beyond marketing is to become a self-taught make-up artist, part-time, really, even if it’s just fifteen hours. After all, I still want to make room for dance (the demonstration being put together is dang difficult to do, by the way). I don’t know what this springs from. In my junior year of high school I took an apt interest in make-up and doing manicures. I suppose that part of me is coming back, possibly pulled from my trauma that I think Freud would need to explain without associating it with my sexuality, as I have no sexuality due to my asexuality!

You don’t need to go to some beauty school to become a make-up artist for places like Sephora or some other make-up department in a department store. My best friend, in fact, received a job as a make-up artist at Macy’s, but ultimately dropped it in favor of a job she grew to hate. She majored in English, just like me.

What I was told to become one is to show up to a job interview wearing flawless make-up that suits you and coordinates with what you’re wearing. Yet, to me, that isn’t enough, so I am studying, hard, about everything that has to do with make-up, from contouring with various face shapes, to winged eyeliner (dang hard to do for me), to eyeshadows for different occasions, products that help better skin, and even learning about all of the products so I know what products I can recommend to people who have questions about what products would best suit them. After all, a shimmer for hooded eyes is difficult to do, as a shimmer can make hooded eyes look even more hooded. This is thanks to the incredible Stephanie Lange, whom I learned about hooded eyes from. Her Youtube channel has been my textbook. New Beauty has also been my textbook, because it is strictly about beautifying oneself, through make-up, hair, exercise, diet, and so forth. Though I want to be a make-up artist, I also want to educate myself in all possibilities of beauty, save for artificial enhancements, like botox and collagen fillers and the like, though I do know well about these and at what age you should consider using them. I’d never encourage anyone to go to these expensive procedures. Just age gracefully by starting skin care young. Even if you haven’t, it isn’t too late. I look at my mother’s skin–she’s in her 50s–and I think she is aging gracefully without botox or fillers or anything. She just knows how to take care of her skin and what products to use.

Our society is obsessed with beauty. My chapbook concentrates on this a little bit. Yet, I do not think it is wrong to want to strive to be beautiful. In some ways, I think it is natural and a form of self-love, believe it or not. We see the beauty of butterflies, the beauty of a sunny day, the beauty of light leaking through trees, and I think we want to be beautiful because nature is beautiful. We are part of nature, so we want to be beautiful like flowers and butterflies and clear, sunny days.

I have acne-prone, dry/combination skin. I get mild breakouts, I still have to use acne products to battle the few spots I get on my face, but I am overall happy with my appearance without make-up. Yet, the red blotches of acne are irritating and sometimes painful; overall, my skin does glow, and I love that facet of my skin. Even with the few spots of acne, people will nonetheless tell me I have pretty skin. I love my hair. I love my naked body. Yes, I work on these things because I want to be beautiful/maintain my beauty. I’m not sure if men care about this in the same way women do. I’m not a man, so I can’t say. Yet, I can say men are just as insecure as women. It’s just not talked about enough (*looks at feminism*).

I remain unaffected by the media, as I don’t watch much television and get wrapped up in what Kim Kardashian is doing or America’s Next Top Model or watching fashion runways or anything else. I do see fashion magazines in stores, but when I read the content, it isn’t about feeding womens’ insecurities. The content has turned into self-love, while also saying that if make-up helps with your self-esteem, fine, so here are some tips. People need to stop blaming the media. WE create the media, after all. If we didn’t feed into what the media puts out there, the media wouldn’t continually create this material.

I don’t need to wear make-up. I want to wear make-up because it’s fun. It feeds the inner artist in me. My face is a palette, and I can do with it as I please. Perhaps this stems from the trauma and links with control. Make-up allows me control over my face, a part of my body that, while it was remain untouched, was still desecrated by sexually abusive words. I don’t know if this should be a sad thing, but it’s given me a direction on a second job I’d like to take. I do not think I am meant for a 9-5 job. My mental health just seems too fragile to handle one. This is why I’m grateful for online courses. If I’m feeling sick or sad or whatever, I can lie in bed all day and work on coursework later. Also, I can look at my bare body in the mirror and know that I love it, too, even more now, especially my abs, which have now become my favorite part of my body, my legs being second.

I don’t know if lots of women can say that about themselves, and it saddens me. They think parts of themselves are ugly, instead of realizing they have control over their bodies that no one else has. That control in itself should be beautiful. Thus, it should be an exciting journey to embark on striving for self-love, even if they want to change parts of themselves. Self-love creates that beauty humans are innately attracted to. Whether or not you wear make-up doesn’t matter one bit. Strive for self-love, no matter what direction you decide to go to achieve it. Self-love starts with self-care.

Now for the skin care products I use. Keep in mind I don’t use some of these every day. I do switch out, depending on what I know my skin needs:

Ole Henriksen Truth Serum Vitamin C Collagen Booster

I am 24, but I have used this sample for weeks and love how it freshens and makes my skin glow. Plus, Vitamin C is very nourishing for one’s skin. I use this every day in the morning after splashing warm water on my face. You can find this at Sephora.

Sudden Change Green Tea Facial Mask

I use this every so often in the morning when I feel my skin needs an extra oomph as far as glowiness is concerned. It contains antioxidants, which are very important to the skin to fight free-radical damage. You can find this at any drug store.

Fango Purificante Purifying Mud Mask for Face and Body

My mom just go this stuff last week. I love it. This particular type I posted is for acne-prone skin. It gives my skin a next-day glow. I use it as needed. It’s a big jar, so it can last a while. I think you can only get it online. There are plenty of mud masks from Fango to suit what you need for your skin. Simply copy and paste the above name to find the website.

Perfect Image Level 2 Salicylic Acid 20% Gel Peel

This has green tea extract, too, a natural antioxidant. I use this once every two weeks, and it gives me a long-wear glow. It also helps strip away the top layer of your skin, revealing smoother skin beneath. It does burn, yes. It’s best to leave it on for no more than 2 minutes, if you can handle it. If not, wash it off sooner. Directions come with it. You can get this on Amazon.

Retin-A

This isn’t the exact product I use, but it’s retinol. What it does is it speeds up the process of cell turnover, so it makes your skin cells less sticky. This is the number one anti-aging cream. I use the gel version of it, which is harsher, but I do not use it every day. I use it when I feel my skin needs it.

First Aid Beauty: Ultra Repair Liquid

I always, always, always use this after I’ve washed my face during my showers and pat my skin dry. NEVER, ever rub your skin dry. Never rub your skin period when applying any sort of facial product. This prevents dryness, redness, and flaky skin. It is a wonderful godsend. You can find this at Sephora.

First Aid Beauty: Ultra Repair Cream Intense Hydration

As with the above product, I use this after using some product that helps with acne. Repairing moisturizers are more important than regular ones because they actively repair skin while your other skin-care products work to help your skin. Due to these two products, my skin is not really dry (though there is some peel from the acid peel, which is normal), red, blotchy, any of that other stuff that normal moisturizers generally can’t combat. This can be found at Sephora as well.

Biore Charcoal Bar

I generally use this as my soap. It pulls out excess oils. I don’t use it for a few days after my acid peel, though. You can find this at any store that sells beauty products.

Philosophy Purity Made Simple

This is the ONLY cleansing product I will put on my face for the next few days after my acid peel. It is the gentlest, most effective cleanser you can find on the skin care market, marvelous for sensitive skin like mine. You can find this at Sephora.

You can actually find a lot of these products elsewhere. Sephora is just where I go.

Yes, I use A LOT of skin care products, but keep in mind I switch up what I use based on what I think my skin needs. I usually use my charcoal bar, some sort of acne cleanser, and then my two moisturizers. So I never use more than four products a day. The only thing I use in the morning is the Vitamin C Serum and a moisturizer with SPF 30, which can be found in regular drug stores.

Using these products doesn’t always prevent breakouts or cure enlarged pores or sometimes blotchy skin, but they help you maintain a youthful appearance. Like I’ve said, I’m 24, but a lot of people think I’m 7 years younger.

As a note, if you beauty gurus who read this have written articles about  make-up, please, please, please put your links below as part of material I need to study.

Author Links

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Don’t Support FCKH8

I was a little bit leery about FCKH8, especially when someone in the asexuality tag on Tumblr mentioned that FCKH8 said some pretty disparaging things about asexuals, so I never liked their page on Facebook. Apparently FCKH8’s FB page is under new administration, and because of pressure from the asexual and pansexual community, they have decided to change their tune with how they treat these two sexualities. However, it still does not excuse what was said, because this brought about some very damaging comments that just prove the oppression asexuals and pansexuals face–not to mention they made disparaging claims that asexuality and pansexuality were made up by Tumblr and simply a trend. So while they may be posting cutesy photos (stolen from Tumblr with their logo slapped on them) in support of asexuality and pansexuality, they have never once posted anything about what asexuality is and isn’t (and pansexuality) to get fans of their page to really understand why asexuals and pansexuals need exposure. It’s damage control. And they don’t have ANYTHING on their website where people can buy stuff in support of these two sexualities.

Here is a little bit about FCKH8:

FCKH8.com is a for-profit T-shirt company with an activist heart and a passionate social change mission: arming thousands of people with pro-LGBT equality, anti-racism and anti-sexism T-shirts that act as “mini-billboards” for change.

Let me start by saying they are a FOR-profit company, meaning that the money primarily goes to the owners and less to the unestablished causes they supposedly donate to. (They never mention the charities in their FAQs page.) If they were considered non-profit, then that money would primarily be going to charity organizations. For example, FCKH8 recently started an anti-racism campaign to support protests going on in Ferguson. Their shirts and hoodies range from $2.00 to $15.00–and yet they are only donating $5.00. They talk about five anti-racism causes, but they don’t even specify what those causes are. So if someone buys a wristband, which is around $2.00, apparently no monies will be donated. They claimed to have raised $6,000 dollars from this cause so far, but because only $5.00 from each purchase is going toward the cause, they are actually profiting of a terrible tragedy. Apparently FCKH8 designates certain charities to receive their proceeds, but these charities never consented to receiving funds from them in the first place. Therefore, they don’t receive permission from charities to donate money, and as a result, these charities don’t accept these monies. Ironically, their profit margins for these shirts depend on racism still being upheld in America today–and other injustices that occur against the causes they supposedly support.

Charities are non-profit organizations. FCKH8 isn’t. There are businesses out there that depend on god-awful things to stay around so they can continue to remain in business. Get rid of all the hate, and FCKH8 goes out of business–unless they decide to change their practices. Am I being unfair? Not really. The It Gets Better Project is a FAR better alternative to spending your monies on. They are a non-profit corporation, so their monies do not go to shareholders like the monies of FCKH8’s company does. Colorlines is also a better alternative for combating racism.

Sure they’re making t-shirts and everything people can wear to show their support, but you’re better off buying from Etsy, where there are no false claims that the monies are being donated to anything.

For claiming to be anti-racist, they are being racist. A family lost their child, and FCKH8’s response is to create products (and push them!) so they can earn more money when they are FOR-PROFIT and can probably donate enough themselves without having to get people to buy more of their stuff? You can help the Ferguson tragedy in this way, though.

Even worse, FCKH8 has an F rating with the Better Business Bureau, of which they are not even a part of. Any legitimate FOR-PROFIT business would be registered with the BBB, and the BBB is a HUGE deal. I can tell you this from experience because the company I work for is registered under the BBB and has an A+ rating with them. My department, and everyone else, works tirelessly to ensure the company keeps this rating.

One of the biggest complaints has to do with delivery issues, meaning that people who ordered something from their website never received what they bought. So if people aren’t receiving their products, then their products cannot act as billboards to support the causes they mention on their website.

They also have 1.5 stars out of 105 reviews on SiteJabber. That doesn’t look good for a company that claims to be fighting injustice.

They also have some pretty god-awful memes that can be sexist, transphobic, homophobic, and ect., ect., ect., by playing off stereotypes from each group they claim to support. You can search around the Tumblr page to see what I’m talking about. They also primarily support just gays and lesbians, while not addressing all the other people who need just as much help as the above-mentioned groups. You can’t consider yourself an Ally if you support only one facet of the community and not all the others. And look at the meme below it. They misgendered a transgirl. Mistakes happen, but if you make multiple mistakes, then that is no longer a mistake. They’re also incredibly disrespectful toward religion, forgetting that LGBTQ+ people can be religious themselves. I’ll admit sometimes I get angry at religion, but then I also have to remember that, again, there are those in the community who are religious.

I wouldn’t support FCKH8 at all. I would unlike their FB page. I would never consider buying from them. Ever.

 

 

 

 

Childfree by Choice

This is how I feel about kids. Rebloggy.com

I’m not sure if you could say this fits fully with the theme of my blog. I suppose it does because for me to get pregnant would mean having to get off most of my bipolar medications. Some bipolar medications are safe, like Lithium, but Lamictal isn’t safe, so I’d have to get off that. The research for pregnant, bipolar women is, well, depressing. Your depression worsens during pregnancy and worsens after pregnancy. That’s one reason for me to NEVER have kids.

Depression sucks. Big time. Not only would I have to be dealing with pregnancy, which seems like it sucks, but I’d have to be dealing with a depressive episode while still being expected to function. And then I’d have to deal with an even worse one after! I admire women with bipolar disorder who can push through the pregnancy and post-pregnancy part.

In any case, a lot of articles about childfree lifestyles have popped up on my newsfeed, so I finally decided to discuss why I myself want to remain childfree–and how annoying it is to deal with people who find it strange that I want to remain childless.

I don’t want kids. I have known this since I was 7, but only because the thought of being pregnant terrified me with all the screaming women on television, giving birth to alien-like creatures that I don’t understand how people can even say are cute. I’m now 24 and still receive flack for not wanting kids, both by people I know on Facebook and some co-workers around my age who have kids–or those whose kids have grown and are out of the nest.

I used to be good with kids…when I was a kid. Now that I’m no longer a kid (technically, though people older than me still consider me a kid), I have come to the conclusion that I-just-do-not-like-kids.

They are annoying. I have people who tell me I’d probably feel differently if I had my own kid, but this one woman has a child and finds her own toddler annoying. So, no, I most likely will not feel differently if I had my own. I wasn’t wild at all about my nephew at the infant stage. I couldn’t stand his screeching crying in the middle of the night when my brother would stay at my parents’ house with him. I felt awkward being around him because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with an infant. Apparently I have selective maternal feelings, as one friend put it, because I gush about cats but am absolutely ambivalent about infants, toddlers, and children in general. My co-workers will gush over cute babies and toddlers in the mall. While I find babies cute once they hit a certain month and toddlers as well, I don’t turn into a pile of stupid mush like I do for my own cat.

No, I find them downright annoying, especially when they open the door to the Fiat, want to climb inside, and mess with everything. There are two things broken in the Fiat already, probably because of careless parents letting innately annoying children screw around with everything.

Weird, right? I suppose I enjoy my cat because she’s largely self-sufficient. All she wants is my attention, which can sometimes be annoying, but her meows, even out of distress, are just too adorable for me to be annoyed at her for long. Plus, she’s absolutely sweet, comforting, and completely non-judgmental.

Once my nephew hit a certain age where I actually could begin to play with him, I began to feel less weird around him. I’m still not at that stage of being a fully involved aunt, but I do make it a point to play with him…just a little bit.

He’s 4. I have to admit it has been incredible watching him grow up, just viewing the marvels of how fast children develop; it really is amazing. One year they’re not talking, and then the next they’re absolute chatterboxes, talking about everything and anything. One year they have no idea what to do with the toys you give to them, and the next they’re playing with those toys and using their wild imaginations. One year you have to do everything for them, and the next they start to dip their toes into the waters of self-sufficiency.

Even so, I still don’t want kids. I’m absolutely happy being an aunt because I don’t have to be the one to parent my nephew. I get to have fun with him. As I’ve said, I’m not a fully involved aunt because his parents are divorced and he’s primarily brought over when my brother has him, and I’m generally at my fiance’s house when he comes. I tried to find balance about two weekends ago between fiance and nephew, but it didn’t work like I hoped it would. When I came over Sunday to spend time with my nephew, my brother and his girlfriend (she’s so wonderful to my nephew) decided to take him out to eat, so there went that! I wanted to wait until dinner, but the stress of needing to finish schoolwork ultimately won.

One day I’d like to take him to the park and play with him; I love the park myself. Once he learns how to ride his bike, I’d like to get my own and go on a short bike ride with him. I’m young and energetic, and so I’d like to do energetic things with him, not passive things, like playing with his super hero toys and all that. Once I do become more fully involved in his life I might have to discipline him, but I don’t have to parent him.

When I tell people I don’t want kids, specifically my co-workers, they tell me I’m young and will probably change my mind when I’m older. As far as I know, I know plenty of women around my age who don’t want kids right now but KNOW they want them in the future. Then I have others tell me they were adamant about not having children at my age but eventually had them when they met the right man in their 40s. Let’s see…I don’t want them in the future, and I’m pretty sure I’ve met the right man, and I still don’t want them. I have been with my fiance for 7 years.

I’ve read that it isn’t uncommon for asexuals to not want kids. Some absolutely do, but I think a great deal of us don’t. My asexuality probably explains my complete ambivalence toward toddlers, infants, ect., ect., ect. It probably explains why I don’t get those hormones that are supposed to make me gush over children like other women do. It’s just not in me, and it’s extremely condescending when people tell me I’m young and will most likely change my mind later.

What makes them think this? Why are they so obsessed with whether or not I have children? In fact, why on earth are they obsessed with what I do with my womb? Can they really not fathom the thought that there are people out there who live childfree lifestyles? Can’t they just accept that my choice is none of their business, and if I, for whatever reason, change my mind, they have no right to gloat? Men don’t seem to get this kind of flack as far as I know. (If you are a man who has received flack, please comment below.)

I know one woman in her 40s who doesn’t have children and never wants them! People think she’s selfish for not having any kids. What age is it deemed acceptable for people to stop telling you that you’ll eventually want them?

I also want to know why it’s selfish to not want kids. I would like to argue having kids is an innately selfish thing. In fact, here are some common reasons why people have children, and all of them are selfish. Of course, parents are necessary, as I do care about the continual survival of the human race because I love people in general. I am also glad I was born. I love my parents, and I wouldn’t ask for another set of parents. But I wouldn’t care if I wasn’t born, as I wouldn’t have the self-awareness to know that I have not yet been brought into existence, if I were ever even going to be born to begin with! So that little egg sitting in my uterus doesn’t care whether or not it’s fertilized because it has no self-awareness.

I’m not saying it isn’t selfish to not want kids. I’m saying it’s hypocritical of some parents to say those who choose to remain childfree are selfish when having children is innately selfish to begin with.

I’ve been also told that I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t! However, I do have some control over my future, and I definitely have control over whether or not I want kids. There are no outside forces that are going to determine that for me.

Ultimately, I don’t want children because I won’t be able to live the life that I want. When someone has a child, life has to drastically alter to fit everything around that child. Everything has to be about the child when it is an infant. No more going to the movies as often as you used to. No more going out to restaurants, unless you’ve been happily blessed with an easygoing child, like one of my friends was when her child was an infant. Everything just changes, and I know what having an infant would entail for me–and I don’t like what I would most likely have to change about my life if I had a child.

Some people who have children think their lives are going to change for the better, until they have one and realize their lives are not what they thought they were going to be. This doesn’t mean they love their child any less and would change their minds if they knew what parenting would entail. This just means they shouldn’t have been naive to begin with.

I have a friend who always wanted a child. When she was pregnant, she thought everything was going to be fruit from the gods. Then she had a child and realized her life wasn’t what she thought it would be. She even said that her happiness no longer matters, as long as she can keep her child happy. But she loves her daughter. I see pictures of her and her daughter on Facebook all the time, and it’s clear she still tries to have fun for both her and her child–and her husband. Can’t forget him. So she makes the best at the life she chose, which is great, because there are some people out there who never should have been parents to begin with–and I’d likely be one of those parents, if I were one. 

There are also too many young ladies around my age who have children and often struggle to make ends meet.

In reality, people should wait to have children until they are steady in both relationships with their significant others and financially stable.

I just want to say I admire parents. I really do. I’m not one of those fools who thinks parenting isn’t hard work and that parents shouldn’t complain because of how easy their jobs are. Their jobs are not easy, and parents should be allowed to complain. So, GOOD parents, you are awesome.

New Focus

I know I’ve written before about the various focuses of this blog, but I have finally found my niche in regards to what type of books I want to write about in the future when The Stars Trilogy is done. I’ve already written a book that concentrates on two asexual/aromantic characters, so this is a good opportunity for me to start writing articles for LGBTQA youth. I also plan to write a lot about mental illness, as I do plan to write books in the future with characters who have mental illnesses and how these mental illnesses affect their lives and what they ultimately want in my books. They will likely be asexual characters, as I do feel that the YA market is in dire need of characters who are asexual. Plus, it makes sense because I am asexual, and I will admit I struggle with writing characters who are sexual.

Any author updates I do will be on my Tumblr blog, as I have found a lot of success in developing an audience interested in what I have to say. At the end of some of my posts I write on this blog, I will link to author updates I have posted on my Tumblr.

I will be writing an article a week for now, as the classes I am currently taking are a bit heavier than previous classes I’ve taken since starting an online college. Doing this will give me time to develop the article, as well as time for me to let you know what my next article will be about.

By the end of this week, I hope to have a post on my feelings about Robin Williams’ suicide. It is a topic that can never be written about enough, but I hope it will contribute to the larger discussion about mental illness and the stigma with people who have mental illnesses currently face.

I will also be revamping the appearance of this blog to focus on these two topics I want my blog to be about.

 

Turn Away the Gays: An Issue of Basic Human Rights

pjmedia.com

I’m not even sure how controversial this post is going to be. In fact, I’m hoping it won’t be considered controversial at all, because the main topic is about human rights–that no other rights or beliefs should trump human rights, and that includes the right of someone to practice their religion.

Recently Mississippi passed a law called ‘Turn Away the Gays’ that makes discrimination against GSM people legal. (This actually isn’t a new thing, because several states have this, dating back to February 2014. I just happened to recently find out because I had a friend who posted this and was so beyond angry because of what this would mean for him and his boyfriend. This just points to the fact that this is being swept under the rug because of all the gay marriage news out there.) You can refuse to provide these people services, and I believe this can extend to hiring practices as well. But it has to be based on “sincere” religious beliefs in order for this discrimination to stand. Thankfully there are people fighting it, but my heart is broken, I am sad, and I am hurt. And it’s making me very, very sick that there are people out there who feel like they have the right to discriminate based on their mere discomfort of those on the GSM community, based on their “sincere” religious beliefs, because serving these people would go against their conscience. I just can’t sympathize. I think all religions are equal, but I do not think ANYONE, no matter their religion, lack of religion, politics, or any group affiliation sharing similar beliefs should be allowed to trump human rights that these people deserve!

“How come gays have more rights than me?” they say. “Doesn’t my religion matter?” they say. I know people who have personally said this to me. And I say, “Well, what if everyone thought the way you did? Those in the GSM community would forever be out of work. They would forever have their basic human rights denied, and that includes being able to have a job if they meet the basic qualifications to have that job. They can’t change who they are, and they shouldn’t have to hide who they are–because you don’t. They could be turned away everywhere.”

I don’t like to pull the privilege card. I feel like talking about privilege, especially when you point fingers, does nothing to further the conversation about what certain groups of people still face. However, in this case, there is blatant privilege for straight people that isn’t subtle. One man was furious that I dared to tell him he will never have to know what it’s like to be discriminated against because he’s straight. He fought back that he was discriminated against because of his beard (which he chose to grow)–and his age. I don’t doubt the existence of ageism. However, when you have centuries of institutionalized oppression, you can’t really know what it’s like to be discriminated against at the level those in the GSM community have faced. He was at least allowed a job at one point. He has benefits from having been a veteran in the army. He has social security, and I believe he has retirement benefits from retiring as a teacher. The point is, he has benefits that GSM people can be without if they lose their jobs because of their sexualities or gender identities. And it wasn’t too long ago that gays in the army couldn’t openly serve. There are also lots and lots of stories of teachers being fired for coming out as gay. A Google search will reveal this.

I don’t understand why this is so hard to understand. No one’s political beliefs or religious beliefs or whatever beliefs have any right to trump basic human rights, which is sorely lacking among the GSM community. They have the right to have ALL of the same rights that everyone else has without those rights being called special privileges. And they don’t have those rights. The rights they are gaining are being called special privileges by others, and this sickens me.

I thought we were making strides, especially with the proliferation of states legalizing gay marriage. I really thought we were. I know for some gays gay marriage means nothing because they would simply like to walk down the road without being beaten. But I saw the legalization of gay marriage as a baby step into getting others to realize these are PEOPLE who deserve the same RIGHTS as US. Not to mention there are those in the GSM community who are religious and should not be denied their religion, and that includes being able to be married at a church!

We’re regressing. One step forward. Fifty steps back. Am I allowed to say we’re regressing back to what amounts to the Jim Crow era? You can feel free to criticize me on this point. I just can’t think of any other comparison. We can argue they should simply hide their sexual or gender orientations, but why should we erase them? Erasure IS oppression. Erasure is hurtful. Erasure contributes to suicide statistics among the GSM community. Erasure contributes to anxiety and depression.

I was dealt a very low blow yesterday that I feel like I need to share, especially for others who have experienced something similar. I feel like sharing my story will open communication for those who are asexual or another erased identity. The bit of news I just listed above compounded it to the point where I’m still angry and still filled with A LOT of anxiety and sadness. I want to find some way to numb myself from the hurt.

We choose our friends. We choose to let some go. But the friends we let go doesn’t make the letting go any easier, just because we realize that it’s toxic to keep those friends around.

Yesterday I discovered from a friend of mine that someone who I had known for several years, someone I spent frequent time with during my college campus days–along with two other friends–said some very disgusting things about me and the friend who told me what he said. I opened my soul to this person, allowed him in my life. He inspired the name for the literary magazine I started with my best friend, who used to be his best friend as well. He interviewed our literary magazine. He interviewed me when my book was released by AEC Stellar Publishing, Inc. We have a history together of openness and honesty. How can I trust anyone ever again? People can change in a snap, and he did. Just yesterday, my fiance told me all people are the same at their core. Sometimes I wonder if this is true.

There are people out there who believe legalizing gay marriage is a slippery slope to legalizing pedophilia. I’m not even going to go into this. My friend and I, both part of the GSM community, fiercely support the rights of this community, because while we are part of sexual orientations that don’t receive as much attention as homosexuals do, we’re still threatened with possible discrimination, just for being different. It doesn’t matter that she and I are in “straight” relationships. It certainly didn’t matter to him, because he said the most disgusting, hurtful things to us, and I’m wondering if anything else can trump it.

He was speaking with a friend of his on FB about my friend and I because his friend posted an article about pedophiles trying to fight for their rights due to the legalization of gay marriage across many states. (For one thing, pedophilia and homosexuality shouldn’t even be in the same sentence. They don’t belong together. They are incomparable.) He said that because she and I supported gay marriage that we’re eventually going to support the movement to legalize pedophilia. And he stated he knew this for a fact.

This isn’t the worse.

I unfriended him because of this attack, this disgusting, judgmental accusation.

I messaged him, telling him I didn’t appreciate what he said about my friend and I, that it was patently wrong, hurtful, and that he was being a terrible friend for having said what he did. “What happened to you?” I asked him. “You never used to be this way. You never would have even thought to erase my asexual identity. Back then, you would have wanted to learn more about it.”

He messaged me telling me he was just being honest, sincerely believing that in just five to ten years, she and I would start fighting for the rights of pedophiles, and that by us telling him that he’s wrong and ignorant and silly, we’re actually being wrong and ignorant and silly. Not only this, but he told me in the future that I would most likely discover that I’m an asexual pedophile–with no reason, no basis to back this up, other than the fact that I identify as something other than heterosexual. And, again, he said he knew this for a fact. Let’s not even get into the fact that an asexual pedophile is a complete oxymoron. Let’s get into the idea that the only reason he said this to me is because I identify as something other than heterosexual, and that’s what kills me the most. It would be totally different if this was from a stranger. I could laugh it off. After all, one stranger, when I told him I was in a relationship, engaged to a MAN, but I’m still asexual, told me I was just wearing a mental chastity belt because I was a raped and abused woman, and he actually found this statement hilarious and meant it. So being a heteroromantic asexual doesn’t remove me from the oppression asexuals can face. What it does is give me an advantage to call out straight people on their ignorance that other romantic orientations don’t have. In any case, I don’t attach my romantic identity to my sexual orientation.

But he wasn’t a stranger. He was someone who was once my best friend. If my former best friend can think this, just imagine how many others think this. His friend thinks this as well. And friends of his friend. It was unbelievable. I shouldn’t have even read the conversation, but I had to know.

It’s easy for me to hide behind my straight relationship. The same could be said for a bisexual or a pansexual. But one’s sexual activity–or lack thereof–actually has nothing to do with discrimination.

By deviating from the typical, average, or normal sexual interests, sexual minorities are considered substandard and thus easy targets for disdain and prejudice. Contrary to conventional folk wisdom, prejudice against sexual minorities may not therefore have much to do with sexual activity at all. There is even evidence, for instance, that religious fundamentalists are prejudiced against homosexuals even when they are celibate (Fulton et al., 1999). Together, such findings point to a bias against “others”, especially different others, who are seen as substandard and deficient (and literally “less human”). “Group X” is targeted for its lack of sexual interest even more than homosexuals and bisexuals are targeted for their same-sex interests. –Gordon Hodson, Psychology Today.

Human rights are being denied. I don’t understand how, in 2014, we can still be doing this.

I truly don’t.

Books With GSM (Gender and Sexual Minorities) Characters

As a little bit of a tease, I do have some great news to share, but I can’t share it right now until a certain condition is met–and another piece of awesome news, but the details are still being worked out. On the other hand, I can give you a hint about the latest book I’m working on: this book contains an asexual male. This book is actually a re-vamped version of a book I started last year, so it’s a dramatic change, but one I’m sticking with because I finally want to delve into writing contemporary YA issues-based books. The Stars Trilogy will probably be my last and only trilogy/series.

With that in mind, I have been reading a lot of books along the GSM spectrum, and while I haven’t been able to find any books with asexual characters you don’t have to analyze to know they are asexual, I’ve still found a few golden reads, and I’d like to share them with you. With the increasing attention the GSM community is getting, I think it is vital that people start to read books with GSM characters in order to understand what it’s like living with sexual and gender identities that are neither cis nor hetero.

Now keep in mind that these are all YA novels, because they are primarily what I read, but they still give you a fantastic glimpse of what it’s like for people in the GSM community.

• Luna by Julie Anne Peters. This book involves the story of a transgender teen wanting to transition from male to female. She calls herself Luna (real name Liam). She only feels safe transforming into Luna in the safety of her basement bedroom. This is the first book I read with a transgender teen, and I’m going to try to find others to read as well.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Freakboy by Kristin Elizabeth Clark. Brendan Chase feels like he’s in the wrong body–but then sometimes he doesn’t. He’s actually gender fluid, and this was the first time I learned about gender fluidity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Safe by C. Kennedy. All Caleb wants to do is protect his boyfriend Nico from his father. This book was actually quite a shock to me, because some scenes were a little more detailed than what YA generally allows. But its publisher, Harmony Ink Press, is about pushing the boundaries of YA literature, do I figured I would throw this one in the list for breaking boundaries.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Heavyweight by MB Mulhall. Ian’s crush on Julian Yang threatens to reveal that he’s a gay youth living in a backwater southern town. This book is unique because it isn’t just about a gay youth, but a gay youth who also struggles with an eating disorder. It’s uncommon to find books about males struggling with eating disorders.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• Scars by Cheryl Rainfield. Kendra is self-harming to suppress some horrible memories of childhood sexual abuse. I chose this book because it doesn’t even revolve around Kendra’s sexuality at all. Yet, near the end, she has a girlfriend, and she never once thinks that it’s unusual. So this book treats homosexuality like heterosexuality, and that’s what I liked about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Currently I’m reading Tales from Foster High by John Goode, and it seems like the series is going to revolve around several gay youth during their high school years. I might post a review on this when I’m done with it.

I definitely recommend checking out these books. Also check out Harmony Ink Press for more books, because they are about publishing books with teens in the GSM community.

 

The Great Things About Being Asexual

A Facebook friend of mine posted this article (The 9 Best Things About Being Bisexual) on her FB page because it is LGBTQ+ Pride month, and so I decided to do one for asexuals, because this blog does need some lightheartedness, especially because it is Pride month! I know my past two posts have been negative in the face of this month, but I hope this one will provide some giggles.

1. The power of invisibility. Because you’re invisible, you can use your powers of invisibility to pull down people’s pants, rob banks, sever the heads of your enemies with a pack of Ace cards you summon from out of nowhere, and generally be all-around awesome, because you’re invisible, and you can do whatever the heck you want. Or, you know, you can promote world peace by getting rid of those who oppose it by severing their heads with your pack of Ace cards.
2. Cheating at poker. Because you’re Ace, you have the power to summon a pack of Aces and win poker every time you play. Las Vegas is in your future.
3. Asexual reproduction. Being asexual allows you to reproduce asexually, so you can have a second person to help you rob a bank–or promote world peace or something.
4. Cake. You get all of the cake. You have the power of making cake with your Ace powers. Cake. Cake. Cake. Need I say more? (Origin of cake joke.)
5. You’re a special snowflake.  Snowflakes are pretty. It’s not every day you can tell someone you’re a snowflake and they’ll believe you.
6. You don’t have one identity. You can have many! Your Ace superpowers allow you to be aro, hetero, homo, bi, or pan (and perhaps a few other romantic (or non) orientations). You aren’t just asexual! No one will ever discover your true identity.
7. No fucks given. Pardon the language, but as an Ace, you don’t have to give a fuck about anything!
8. Panromantic asexuals. They can be pancakes.
9. Back to asexual reproduction. You can save the human race by splitting your genetic code in half.
10. Pirate asexual. Not only do you not care about pirate booty, but you’re immune to sirens and mermaids. Get pillaging! ARGH!
11. You can promote world peace. Because you’re not strapped down by carnal desires, you can get to that promoting world peace thing that everyone else seems t0o busy for. (Seriously, some Aces do think they are superior to sexual people because they aren’t “inhibited” by sexual desires.)
12. (Stealing from the Cosmos article) You’re revolutionary. With your Ace superpowers, you can beat down people who suggest asexuality isn’t a thing. This makes you a revolutionary. This makes you a part of history.
13. The Ace Flag. It’s cool, okay? It’s got black, gray, white, and purple, great colors that go well together. You can also get cake in these colors. And cats. Definitely cats.
14. (Stealing from Cosmos again) Superpowers! You have the ability to know you can’t assume someone’s sexual (or romantic) preferences based on who they’re dating–or not. Because you’re also part of the LGBTQIA community, you can sometimes not assume people’s genders based on physical appearances alone.
15. You don’t care to do the do. Some of us still do the do, but if we never had to do the do again, we wouldn’t care. Less risk of pregnancy (if you’re a woman) and STDs. And chores. You already have to clean your house. Sex is just one chore you can permanently cross off your list of chores to do.
16. Enlightenment. You know love without sex can exist.
17. Lightbulbs. You never have to worry about changing lightbulbs.
18. A sexual. You’re a sexual what? Unicorn? Rainbow? Lizard? You can be all sorts of a-sexual things!
19. Baseball. Sometimes you don’t have to run any bases to score.
20. Cuddles. I’d slam you against the wall and cuddle you so hard.

The Problems With the Ally “Identity”

Out of boredom at work, I decided to peruse AVEN (Asexuality Visibility Education Network) to see what musings or rantings the asexual community had recently posted. I stumbled across a thread about the A in LGBTQIA. Many people are confused about the A in LGBTQIA. Some thinks that it means Allies. Other thinks it means Asexuals. However, since asexuality has recently been accepted, or is still being accepted, into the LGBTQ+ club, the ‘A’ in LGBTQIA historically meant Allies.

However, this does not mean the A should continue to stand for Allies. In fact, Allies shouldn’t even be considered in the equation at all, because Ally is neither a sexual nor gender identity.

It’s a label.

Am I perhaps making a mountain out of a molehill? Does one letter even matter?

To me it does, because I feel like those in the asexual community should be allowed to claim that ‘A.’ Some in the asexual community feel like we don’t belong in the LGBTQ+ group because they don’t understand that, in fact, asexuals do face some of the same issues that other sexual identities do. Erasure and corrective rape are just the tip of of the iceberg for the ace community. I had one follower on Tumblr message me to say that they had a friend who was beaten up for coming out asexual. Others would have the gall to argue this person might have been beaten up for other reasons, but what people don’t understand is that people have the capacity to hate what they don’t understand. Even worse, we asexuals are forced to be the ones to have other people understand, and that sucks. In fact, the post I linked above was written by me in response to a gay person on Tumblr who dared to tell me I was insulting said gay person by claiming asexuals experience oppression because of erasure. Erasure IS a part of oppression. And at the time, erasure and corrective rape were the only two issues I knew the ace community faced.

I also had another follower message me, saying they wanted to commit suicide because of their asexuality.

I feel that we do belong in the LGBTQ+ community because we are an ‘othered’ orientation. I suppose the alphabet soup doesn’t matter, because if we tack on A as something official, then we’ll have to tack on everything else that is non-heteronormative or non-cisgender, which is why many people are moving to GSM (gender sexual minorities). Still, that isn’t the point.

Shann Michael wrote a strongly worded post about people out there thinking that the A should be included for Allies. Now while the post seems to attack Allies, it makes a lot of good points. Frankly, only those who are the Allies Michael dismisses are going to be the ones to take offense to it. And believe me, there are a greater portion of Allies who aren’t really Allies than there are people who are actually Allies.

1. Not just anyone can claim the title ‘Ally.’ Michael argues that “you cannot appoint yourself an ally,” and I agree. It’s not enough to say you support equality. You have to be active for the LGBTQ+ community to even deserve the title ‘Ally.’ Allies are continuously educating themselves about those in the LGBTQ+ community. They are educating others about those in the LGBTQ+ community. Whether they are writing blog posts educating others about us, attending pride events, petitioning for marriage equality or whatever, they HAVE to be doing something. They can’t just walk around telling others they support marriage equality and that’s it–or arguing on Facebook to someone who does not support marriage equality or what have you. As the above picture shows, only a few people actually do anything for those in the LGBTQ+ community.
2. Ally should not be an identity because you are not part of the community. Your efforts are appreciated, but you cannot be part of the community because you do not face the struggles that those in the LGBTQ+ community do. Yes, I do recognize that Allies can be outed and be called debasing slurs, but Allies are still straight, still cisgendered. While bigots may question your identity, you still cannot, no matter how hard you try, know the struggles those in the LGBTQ+ community face. You cannot know how frustrating it is for Asexuals to be one of the most erased identities–and, as a Psychology Today article pointed out (linked in my Tumblr post), most dehumanized. In fact, I’m now just starting to feel the weight of having to hide my sexual orientation because I’m afraid of what others might think. I was going to do an informative speech on asexuality for my speech class, until I realized that I would be presenting this speech in front of actual people–two who are immediate family members. I kept going back and forth between doing this speech, and this whole struggle with doing it or not actually sunk me into a mild depression, because I really wanted to; the thought of doing it in front of immediate family members and strangers and how they would react to it made me sick. And it sucks, because that doesn’t help with erasure, which is why I think it’s far more important for Allies to educate themselves than for us to have to do it for them. Thus, I think Allies are very, very important for education purposes, but don’t think for a second you deserve to claim that ‘A’ in our acronym for being a decent human being. It’s enough to be accepted as an Ally to begin with, because those in the community are in charge of assessing whether or not you actually are an Ally–and being an Ally takes work, constant work.
3. Your voices is not as important as the voice of a marginalized person. Just because you’ve read books, articles, attended classes on queer identities, pride parades, or speeches, does not mean that you suddenly understand what it’s like to be someone in the LGBTQ+ community, because you don’t. You never will, because you are not in that person’s shoes. As an asexual person, I cannot know the homsexual, bisexual, or pansexual experience. I only know the asexual experience. If you’re speaking about the asexual experience, my opinions on asexuality are more right than yours because I am asexual. Even if another asexual person disagrees with me, they disagree with me because they don’t have my experience. But if you are not asexual, your opinion isn’t as valid because you have no experience to back your opinion with. However, just because someone is asexual doesn’t mean they can’t be aphobic. Some have internalized aphobia. In this case, I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to step in and stop this aphobia in its tracks.
4. Those in the LGBTQ+ community aren’t in charge of educating you–and those within the community are not in charge of educating each other. We are in charge of sharing our stories, not answering how do we know if we’re gay, bisexual, asexual, whatever. I HATE that I had to write that Tumblr post on how Asexuals Can Experience Oppression. I am STILL upset that I had to write it, because the ignorance I received in my Ask Box forced me to write it. The gay person who claimed I was insulting them because I said asexuals can experience oppression forced me to do research to back up my assertion. And that is ridiculous. I shouldn’t have had to do that. That gay person (and, yes, the sexual orientation does matter, because even those within the community can be unbelievably ignorant) should have done the research themselves instead of just assuming that asexuals face no oppression. They probably assumed this because aces are about 1% of the population, so there isn’t much known about us. However, there is plenty of anecdotal evidence on AVEN to show that we do face real problems. If this person had bothered to do any research, they would have known how insulting it was to tell me that asexuals do not face any oppression. I do not believe we face institutionalized oppression, but we still face it. If you want to know about us, listen to us and keep educating yourself about our issues. Don’t come up to me and ask ‘So how are asexuals oppressed?’ You wrongly assume in the first place that it is we asexuals crying oppression, when, in fact, others are forcing words into our mouths that we aren’t even saying. Do your research so that way we don’t have to do it for you. All we want to do is tell you our stories, not cite research papers to back up our experiences with asexuality.
5. Don’t call attention to yourself. I cringe when I see paraphernalia for Allies. There are shirts for the Allies flag (the flag itself also makes me cringe). There are shirts that say ‘Ally’ on them. Pins that say ‘Ally LGBT.’ And shirts that say ‘Proud to be an Ally.’ There’s also a lot of other stuff Allies can boast to show their allyness, and all of it makes me cringe. Ally as an identity has become so pervasive that what it actually means to be an Ally has been diminished to t-shirts and buttons and flags. But, as I’ve stated above, you have to be accepted as an Ally by the LGBTQ+ community. If being an Ally means wearing a shirt that says ‘Proud to be an Ally,’ you’re calling attention to yourself, trying to put focus on your “identity,” instead of putting the focus on the marginalized sexualities and gender identities that need it. I mean, really, why would you feel the need to wear a shirt other than to boast about your allyness? Why do you need to boast you are proud to be one? Proud for reaching step one of what it means to be a decent person? People in the LGBTQ+ community wear paraphernalia that relates to us because we have to talk about our identities so people can understand us. The louder we are, through our voices, flags, clothing, and whatever else, the more people will have to pay attention to us so they can understand we exist, that we have real problems that need fixing, and that we aren’t going away. You don’t need to validate yourself as an Ally, because, at the end of the day, it’s not important that people know you’re an Ally. What’s important is that you do the work that it takes to be an Ally, which is way more than just screaming that you’re for equality.

Overall, Ally as an “identity” is problematic because claiming such a title, even when you don’t deserve it, and calling it an identity is suggesting that you want recognition for your work–or just your simple thoughts. It’s bragging. Plain and simple. You don’t deserve recognition, because the movement isn’t about you. Your recognition comes in knowing that the harder you work for us, the better things are going to be for us.

The Dancing Writer–Episode 2: Asexuality and Gender Identity

There is a lot of rambling in this. I didn’t have this show as planned out as I thought I did (I did have an outline), but I found myself talking and then going off on tangents trying to get in all of my thoughts. Sexual orientation and gender identity is such a loaded thing, but all my thoughts are out there!

So, yes, here is episode two. I update a little bit on my life, then go right into talking about my asexuality. I also talk about gender identity, mostly how it doesn’t make sense to me, so, for now, I’m identifying as genderqueer. Agender makes sense for me, especially because I think I mention a million times how gender in general just doesn’t make sense, but then there are parts of me that say, ‘Hm…maybe you’re a little fluid.’ And I can’t make sense of any of it. Maybe you guys will. I don’t know, but I promise all of this rambling has a point somewhere.

In the video I say I don’t have a direction for my next podcast, but I actually do because I mentioned it in the first one! So episode 3 (or 4, depending on whether or not I can get the video done first), will be talking about the uniqueness of my witches in When Stars Die, just because that’s a loaded topic in itself.

Also, I didn’t actually listen all the way through this. I figure I’d just keep it as it is, but my personal assistant claims there’s a thumping sound about halfway through, which might be the mic or me bumping my knee against my desk (I get restless real easily). But I’ll try to avoid that next time.

If you haven’t listened to episode one, you can find it here.  I would love it if you subscribed if you’re interested in hearing more of what I have to say and eventually watching my silly videos on silly writerly things.