Sex-Positive Asexual

sex positive asexualThis is a post I suddenly wanted to write, because as an asexual, I am sex positive. I’m not so sex positive that I condone rabid sex, because, really, STDs and stuff, but I don’t condone it when asexuals insult sexual people and tell them they are slaves to their sex drives and are somehow less than us. While we live in a hyper-sexed society, we also live in a very prudish society, which is why there is a sex-positive movement to begin with–and probably why our society is so hypersexed to begin with. We’re told so many conflicting things about sex that it’s ridiculous. Males are told to get as much sex as they can, females are told we’re sluts if our sex drives are on par with men’s, we’re told to be ashamed of our bodies, given wrong information about sex, told that our value lies in our virginity (females, specifically), told that sex should be reserved for that special someone, or else we’re going to ruin ourselves and severely regret it (and I won’t deny some do, but it’s assumptive to say we’ll all feel that way); told sex outside of marriage is sinful; told that you’re weird if you don’t want sex; pressured to have sex if you don’t want to–sexuals and asexuals alike; should be ashamed if you masturbate; should be ashamed if you look at porn (there are problems with porn and porn addiction, but I’m looking at the fact that even asexuals can watch porn, and no one should be ashamed for doing so, as long as it’s between two consenting adults); sexual freedom is typical left-wing thinking (NO LIE!); religion oppressing and shaming people for having sexual urges; engaging in anything but heterosexual sex is wrong; and the list goes on and on.

I may not understand why sex is so important to sexual people, but I also know they are not less than, that they are not slaves to their sex drives, and that, for them, the desire to want sex and feel sexual attraction is completely normal, as is our desire to oftentimes not want sex and lack sexual attraction feels completely normal.

Now I’m going to state that even though I am sex positive, sex is still bizarre to me. I enjoy it, yes, but I am not thinking about the act itself when I’m actually doing it. I am thinking about how it feels good, but I’ll also be thinking about school, my job, my book, and anything that isn’t sexual at all. Just thinking about sex itself and what actually goes into it is just WAY too bizarre. I don’t even want to be sexy or act sexy or even looked upon sexually. It’s all extremely weird to me, but those are my feelings, and I am not allowed to use those feelings to dictate how others should feel.

But if you are asexual, it is not right to even think or tell anyone that sexual people are perverted. It’s fine to be sex repulsed, but don’t use this at the expense of insulting people who are sexual. You wouldn’t be here without sexual people–or even asexuals who do engage in intercourse to have a child. So this is a list that applies to sexuals and asexuals who do enjoy the feeling of sex and what follows:

  1. Don’t be ashamed of your sex drive and your natural urges.
  2. Masturbation is healthy, feels good, and no one has any right to tell you that it’s wrong.
  3. As long as you’re not addicted to porn and not watching porn that isn’t between two consenting adults, don’t feel ashamed, but do respect your partner if he or she feels upset when you do watch porn. Porn is a very touchy subject, and some do feel their partner is being unfaithful when they watch it. But keep in mind that sexual people do feel sexual attraction to others and not just their partners. However, romantic attraction and sexual attraction are two different things. You can look but not touch. And porn has existed since the beginning of time anyway.
  4. It’s okay to not want sex.
  5. It’s okay to wait until you’re married to have sex.
  6. It’s okay to save sex for that special someone.
  7. Don’t use religion to slut-shame women.
  8. Don’t use religion to make sex shameful.
  9. Don’t use religion to make it seem like a girl’s only worth lies in giving her virginity up to that special someone.
  10. Casual sex is fine, but be safe.
  11. Human sexuality is complex.
  12. Fully educate yourself about sex. Don’t let misinformation guide your views on sex and human sexuality.
  13. Express your sexuality in any healthy way you want, whether it’s through your dress or body language.
  14. Be respectful of others’ sexuality.
  15. Don’t engage in sexual harassment.
  16. Don’t judge others for their sexual lifestyles.
  17. Don’t be afraid of sex. It’s okay to find it repulsive, weird, ugly, whatever, but it is not an innately scary act.
  18. If sex is important to you, it’s important to you, and don’t let anyone make you feel ashamed otherwise.
  19. Just don’t be ashamed of sex. Period.
  20. Virginity is a terrible concept.
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Author:

Also known as The Dancing Writer, she is currently working on The Stars Trilogy, among other works.

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