Amber Skye Forbes

Writing Words With the Tips of My Toes

What should I do if my boyfriend is diagnosed with Schizophrenia or Bipolar disorder?

This is really cruel advice. Are we suddenly unlovable because of our illnesses? Are we suddenly not worthy of attention, affection, or love because of a chance of relapses? What are you trying to get at by telling people to abandon us?

This advice sickens me. If you really think you can’t handle a relationship with a mentally ill person, fine, but to tell everyone to leave us mentaly ill sufferers is cruel and damning. I wouldn’t have been able to survive my bipolar depression without my fiancé and he not once ever considered me a burden because he loves me. And I am the same with him when he finds himself depressed from time to time.

I am treated, I am stable, I have value, I am worthy of love and attention, and I deserve someone who is willing to love me no matter what, and I have found that with my fiancé.

So what this person should really do is assess whether or not he/she is strong enough to handle the difficulties. If you really love your boyfriend, you’ll stick around. If not, leave, you don’t deserve him anyway. Your boyfriend deserves someone who is willing to stick around in spite of the difficulties, and if you can’t do that, then leave. Bye-bye. You won’t be missed. Now unless your boyfriend is unwilling to seek help that is a different story, but if he is doing all he can and you’re not willing to help, he won’t be missing much.

Maniac Fire

By Anonymous

I as a person with bipolar disorder.  I would tell you to break up with your boyfriend, heartbreaking as that would be, if you are in a relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.

Bipolar and schizophrenia are such seriously disruptive disorders that it is absolutely certain that you will endure major difficulties and will watch your boyfriend suffer– it is a permanent illness and while managing the condition is very possible, a great many sufferers lapse in taking their (vital) medications.

Your relationship will be strained; life will not be very much fun over long-ish stretches of time.  Your boyfriend’s capacity to work may well be hampered.  I think most sufferers would agree that these are really, really tough chronic illnesses.  You are young, and free, and will have the opportunity for a straight-forward relationship with another man.  Get out now.

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9 comments on “What should I do if my boyfriend is diagnosed with Schizophrenia or Bipolar disorder?

  1. Mariah
    May 30, 2013

    What a cold hearted person. There are no words.

    • amberskyef
      May 30, 2013

      It’s sometimes hard not to be bitter about living with such a sucky illness, but to put us all in the same basket and imply we are not worthy of a better life because we can relapse…that’s unfair.

  2. Daniel Budiarto
    May 30, 2013

    That is cruel. Somehow it reminded me of the movie Silver Linings Playbook, and particularly Tony Roberts’s take on the portrayal of a relationship involving bipolar disorder in the movie. I don’t know how realistic the movie was, so I would be interested to know your opinion (if you’ve watched it, of course).

    • amberskyef
      May 30, 2013

      I haven’t seen it yet, but I’ve heard so many mixed things from people with bipolar, like it’s not realistic because it focuses too heavily on mania or focuses too heavily on the rage in mania, then others who say some people have more mania than depression–just a lot of mixed things. But I do want to see it.

  3. jalal michael sabbagh.http://gravatar.com/jmsabbagh86@gmail.com
    May 31, 2013

    Hi Amber , a boyfriend with Bipolar needs a doctor and a nurse not a girlfriend..If he was a husband then the whole situation will change. Best regards.jalal

    • amberskyef
      May 31, 2013

      He does need a doctor, but unfortunately this post isn’t referring to that. It’s telling her to leave right now, get out, run away, with the implication that this boy should remain unloved because he is carrying a lifelong illness. Even if he is treated he will likely relapse, and no one should be with him because of that. And if you want to get married at some point in your life, you’re going to have to go through the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. People with mental illnesses deserve to be with someone who will support them–not someone who leaves just because things get difficult. Mental illness is like any other difficult time in life. Would you leave your boyfriend because he lost his mom and you know he’s going to be depressed about it? He’ll need therapy, most likely, but I don’t see anyone suggesting we should leave people going through loss. It’s heartbreaking that the OP believes this. I’m not married, and there were times when I wondered why my fiance even stuck around, but I needed both him and a doctor.

  4. Mary Rogers
    June 1, 2013

    I think this so-called advice reflects the author’s own insecurity about his mental illness. It is probably not meant to be cruel, however I agree that it is. There may be some situations where it might be best to break up however that is an individual decision. If someone loves you then they should at least give you a chance. And it is not true that having a diagnosis automaticaly makes you a burden. As you take your meds and learn coping skills then you can minimize the effect your illness has on others. I would have liked to have said this on his blog but not surprisingly the comments are disabled. I hope that woman does not take his advice!

  5. theparasiteguy
    June 1, 2013

    That is quite possibly the worst advice I have ever read. That last paragraph…good grief.

    To be fair, it’s possible that the author was simply going through a rough patch when he posted this. I can only hope that he will see the error of his ways and remove it in the near future.

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