I feel very emotionally compromised as I write this. Out of respect, I won’t go into details, but I’m hurting a lot right now, and I don’t want to hide this because I want to be the one author who is out in the open with all her followers. I don’t want to hide behind some guise of perfection. If I’m hurting, I want you guys to know so I don’t seem so elusive or out of reach. But, yes, my heart is killing me in ways it never has before. I’ve always been sensitive, but I used to be able to temporarily swallow problems and deal with them when they needed to be dealt with. Now I can’t do that, and I’m not sure why this is. Is it because I’m afraid of pain now because I’m so tired of hurting that when I do start hurting my brain goes into overdrive? I don’t know, but I woke up this morning wanting to cry and I still feel like I want to cry and I hate it. I hate hurting. I hate hurting this much because it’s now affecting my ability to get stuff done. For God’s sake, it’s my day off and I had stuff planned and I’m finding it hard to do and it makes me angry because I want to get this stuff done but I’m hurting. I’m not even hungry for anything, and my Abilify has given me a ridiculously healthy appetite, so much so that instead of gaining weight, I have lost it (I’m a tiny girl to begin with) because now I’m eating breakfast since I’m hungry for it and it’s jump-starting my already high metabolism.
This is the bad thing about being so sensitive: your emotions hit you really fast and all at once. You feel crippled by them and it’s so hard to stabilize yourself until the problem is resolved the way you want it to be. But, yes, this pain is too painful and I really just want to update on my writing life.
So in spite of this crippling hurt, I’m going to finish my Stolentime chapter. I may not be able to write another one, but I will finish the one I started yesterday. I also have 34 reviewers so far interested in reviewing When Stars Die and I am still seeking more. I will also start looking for blogs for a blog tour (and I will make my minion, my contract manager, contact them *evil laugh*). I’m also going to create a blogging schedule so I can get back into a routine with that because I know that you guys enjoy what I write. I’m also going to start planning a story in the Stars world, but with a completely different character and story. I’m going to put it on my blog and give you guys a taste of the Stars world.
I’m also craving social interaction with writers in my position. I mean personal interaction. It’s great meeting you guys online, but I am a social bug by nature. My writer’s group is great, but they need tips on publishing, how to find publishers, how to publish, not tips on pre-release sells or how authors can interact with audiences, and that’s what I need. Of course, I realize my position is now a special one because I can provide them with that advice, but I need other writers who are published or are getting published, and I have no clue where to even find that. I’m still staying with my writer’s group though because I love the write-ins, but I also know I need more. Perhaps doing readings and having a book release party will help.
My boss also wants to give me more work hours so I can start making sells (my job is a number’s game), but I can’t do that because blogging is part of my job as a writer now and being able to interact with you guys as well as being able to write and edit without so many hours weighing me down. I need my brain to function now.
But, yes, this is just a little bit of what I’ve been up to lately. I hope to have another blog post out tonight. I’ll try to push through.
amberskyeforbes.wordpress.com 
Don’t push yourself so much. I’m a sensitive person as while and sometimes the best thing is just to lay in bed. Sure, it’s not productive but it will get you back to where you need to be. A book release party is a great idea since you like to be social. It will invite other published authors to share in your success and generate the conservation you crave. Good luck and best wishes!
I suppose you’re right. It’s just not easy because when I was depressed I could accept that my depression did this to me. But now that I am not, I am just angry at the thing that did this to me because I had such a full day planned and now it feels ruined because of the source of all my hurt.
Have you tried writing out your pain? Not on here but in a personal journal?
No. I suppose I should do that. Just blogging has been enough to relax me, but I think journaling will end up helping me more because I can get out every single thing knowing I’m doing it with the intention that no one will ever read it.
Exactly. Good luck!
Sorry you feel so awful. Not sure how much I can help but feel free to email me if you think that would help you. I know how frustrating it is to feel there is progress – eg, depression lifts – and then you get hit back down. It sucks. I’m glad you have the self-awareness to do the sorts of things you are doing, though – eg, pushing through with your chapter, blogging, journaling, etc. Keeping busy and trying to get the emotional distance that writing can sometimes give you helps.
I’m mostly praying for a neat resolution to my problem, but that probably won’t happen because it never does. But maybe I’ll feel better about it later or tomorrow.
If you get a neat solution, let me know. I’ve heard tell of “neat solutions” to problems but have never encountered one in the wild. 😉
Hi Amber,
I’m a writer who’s always struggled with emotions too, and I know all about those days where you’re so overwhelmed or upset that it’s almost impossible to work. One thing I want to say though is you don’t need to spend every hour of your day marketing your book, and there is no obligation for you to post to your blog every single day. In fact, making a regular schedule of only three days a week has been great for my blog–people know when to show up and I can make sure all those posts are high quality.
Another thing is if you took more hours, you could pay someone(like me*cough*) to take on some of your promotional responsibilities. This might not be an option for other reasons, but it’s worth considering.
And hey, I’ve only published articles, not books, and I suspect we don’t live anywhere near each other, but maybe we should exchange Skype info and have virtual hangouts? You’re an awesome chick and I’d love to help you on your journey.
Thanks for sharing,
~Dianna
I will have to think about that actually. My boss wants to start sticking me at stronger events that have the potential of making sales for me, meaning potentially more money because at my job, you can make a full-time wage if you’re making lots of appointments. My contract manager will be taking on most of the promotional aspects, but stuff like keeping up with my blog might become difficult once classes start in the fall.
And you’re right, I have no obligation. I’m just a naturally hard worker and will do anything to reach my dream of being a bestseller or full-time writer. I just really wanted to be able to write in my novel today and these messy emotions make that so hard.
Perhaps then you should focus on earning more money now, so that you don’t have to work so hard once you start school again. You can also change your post schedule in the fall to reflect your workload. Even just letting your readers know when you start school, what you’re working on and giving them an idea of how much time you’ll be spending on school will make people much more forgiving if you miss a day or two. Remember too that working on the next book is more important, and that sometimes you have to sacrifice a blog post so you can write a chapter–and that’s totally ok.
I hope you do get to work on your novel today. Emotions can be rough, but they can always be overcome. Besides, the best art often comes from tortured souls–Edgar Allen Poe, anyone?
I knit… I have no idea why it helps, most of the stuff I knit I don’t even have to think for, but something about it calms the mind and soothes the soul.
love your brutal honesty, we need more of this collectively . also the cartoon is brilliant
I understand hypersensitivity intimately as it is my essence. I am HSP, INFJ, and a Scorpio to boot, so in any category sensitivity reigns. Just be with it, and do what you need to take care of yourself.
what is a blog tour? I am a new blogger so i don’t know the reference.
regarding real interaction, what part of the world do reside? I did not notice your location as I am new to your blog and so loving it…
A blog tour is just a collection of interviews and book reviews that come out on a given day. So blog tours generally begin the day of release like March 7th I’ll be at this blog, March 8th at this one. Stuff like that. I mean, the e-mails I’m amassing basically are my blog tour because people have offered to do book reviews on their blogs. But I’m really trying to push Amazon reviews because I know that if I saw a book with 50 reviews and a 4.5 star rating, I’d be more inclined to buy it, and I’d like roughly that amount from the get-go.
Oh, and I live in the United States in Georgia, lol. There is a thriving writing community in Augusta, where I live, but trying to find out when meetings are and getting them in around my work schedule is difficult.
glad to hear that there are solid resources where you live.
I get it, thanks
I think we’re sensitive by nature, Amber, which allows us to be so in tune with our characters. But I’m sorry you’re in pain. Thinking of you and hoping things get better.